Originally Posted by: Oscar
Tue Mar 02, 2010 1:15 am

Brethren, I started my "pattern of Aerospace Ground Equipment abuse" in the 33 MMS at Eglin. In '75 we actually flunked an ORI! You know what that means, 6 weeks of 12 hour shifts 7 days a week. About three quarters of the way through this punishment slog, on a weekend when everyone was a wee bit punchy, I had been invited to my first and last jammer football game. (Remember when the jammers were 3 speed MJ-1’s and all yellow?) The football game was four on four, we started with 6 on a side but 4 guys chickened out. They also had the slowest horses. It was great fun screaming between all our F-4’s, catch a pass and haul all 3 balls.

It was “Game over” when the MMS Sq. Commander, Maj. Somethingorother (the guy whose 16yr old daughter just could not stay away from the MMS barracks...) saw us through his office window and flat out had a litter of kittens. He came running across the lawns, through the red line flaying his arms and screaming a la Barney Fife. That was one ‘amazing race’ to disappear. We fled to AGE, hung up our jammers, and waited "for the heat to pass" down in the Molehole.

At Kadena in ’76-’77 we had some terrific horses. WL19 was my favorite; not the fastest but fast enough and with great hydrastics. Our fastest jammers were WL38; (-amazing-) our line truck clocked me at a shade over 50mph with muscle to spare (but I had no more nerve), and WL33 which had one of those 'balanced' engines. It just hummed. It could have been faster than WL38 but no one for sure knew how fast it could go because the steering got squirrelly over 40. Even from 'the zone', you couldn't anticipate which way it would fishtail nor could you over-correct.

We'd take 'em up to Kunsan and spank those guys, except when a really good driver wasn't zonked on SoJu or too stoned, while driving their WL22. It was a very, very good horse. In all humility, out of all the #4 man jammer drivers, I wasn't the best or even close. Just halfway decent is all I wish to be considered. I won one and lost one zipping from C-Pad to Thunder Road.

(You know, our Sq. Commanders were all for this morale booster! Officially they turned a blind eye, but sometimes you could catch them in their trucks cheering us on. We did after all, have the coolest CC in all of PACAF in Maj. McCarthy. He had a pintle hook welded to the back of his POV Toyota Corolla and hauled AGE around for us on weekend duty. Funniest thing I ever saw when Spanky ralphed mahkli and jungle juice all over Major Mac’s date at the Oscar Club while TDY to the Kun during the “Tree War”.)

My #3 man at George ‘85-‘86 was way better than me. Too bad Rodney never saw a 3 speed, because he took to a jammer the way Charlie Daniels took to a fiddle. Atsa my boy!

Sliding in the snow was a blast at Kunsan.
Once I was TDY for Team Spirit '77 and got my jaws really torqued off. One week prior, the idiot wenches at the AAFES Massage Parlor offered a steam and cream to the base Chaplain (yet again), essentially shutting down a favorite 24hr cat spot.
On the heavily snowing eve of a big jammer race, mad ol' uptight Oscar searched for the Wolf Pack prize horse. WL22 was at the rear of their AGE; alone, tuned and pristine.
I signed it out (under a different name and number of course. Oops, sorry!), played power toboggan with our #2 man sitting on a gun pod pan and grasping a boom chain, and did doughnuts, whiplashes, and popped wheelies all over C-pad and the Tree area. I didn't have to race the next day and WL22 shouldn't have. Our guy smoked 'em.
Too danged bad; I really wanted a massage, dag nabbit!

No matter what you may hear, I deny driving a jammer at Kadena whilst asleep. Didn't do it!

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“If you can remember, then you weren’t there!”
-Oscar

Ever notice there are more horse's asses than there are horses?

Great fun, My jammer abusing began at Hahn AB in 82.  We had some of the 3 speeds left, not many (Zarragosa had alot of 3 speeds, different story).  We would have wheelie competitions, raise the lift all the way up and hit it, see who could hold it on 2 wheels the longest.  Not an easy feat since the back end was inches from the ground.

Then winter set in at Hahn and we learned another fun thing to do, rosies (spin outs) on the ice.  One day a fellow three man said watch him spin out in a pile of fresh snow.  We were all alone and being I am from South Dakota I warned him not to as the snow was wet and heavy and he would probably flip, get stuck or thrown off.  (this snow pile was just to the left of a tab-vee and trees not too far from it)   Off he rode and hit the pile of snow, spinning out of control, as that was the goal.  Then a sudden stop and and the jammer sunk throwing him, snow, mud and water into the air.  He fell off the edge of the hardstand and was stuck good.   No physical harm was done to him but the jammer was a mess and he was wet.  I got a tiedown and we pulled him out then he ran the jammer through a water puddle many times to wash off the mud.  We returned it to another nearby tab-vee and swapped it for another completely hiding our mess.  (we were young not dumb)

We were in the truck later and went by the place we got stuck in and everybody was like "looks like some dumbass got his jammer stuck"  My friend and I looked at each other and agreed, "Bet their gonna be in trouble".

Other uses for a jammer;

A bed; a jammer can sleep three comforatably

A stove; C-Rats cook up nice on a jammer engine

A U-haul; you can pack alot of shit on a jammer

To simulate a load; during a condition black with tab-vee doors closed just turn on the jammer and drive it around

An ladder/elevator; stand on the table and raise it up to change a lightbulb, hoist someone up onto a wing etc

How many other functions can you come up with..

Joe